Let’s not fake it, Newsletter

Hey Newsletter,

What do you do when someone says hi to you, and you have NO FREAKING IDEA HOW YOU KNOW THEM?

My husband, who was a restaurant GM for years and had to greet familiar-but-forgotten people every single night, has the big-smiled "Hey, YOU!" down pat.
I've done my share of "Yo! What is UP!" to people whose names and entire beings I'm blanking on.

My dad, once he reached 80, gave up on pretending and had his own system. He simply said — eyebrows raised and eyes all bugged-out in a friendly way —
"Hello. Do I know you?"

It was refreshing until they said their name and he’d say "PLEASE SPELL IT," and demand to know where in Ukraine their great-great grandparents were born.

Anyway, just so you're not all, "Do I know you?" or "Um….and you are….?" whenever you see me in your inbox, let's get to know each other. That way, we don't have to fake it.

Me:

• Born in New York City, grew up here when it was fun and filthy, perverts roamed free and the streets were paved with dogshit. Never left except for college. And college was close enough to drive home with my laundry.
• I was on the show open of Sesame Street.
• On most days, I wake up at 9am. If I get up before that, I'm a superhero.
• My superpower is knowing from a mile away who's giving out free samples. Of food, not soap. Please don't hand me soap. (I'm looking at you, Sabon.)
• My first real jobs were at magazines (SPY and New York Magazine), then I spent years and years writing TV promos for networks like Nickelodeon, Nick at Nite, TV Land, NBC, USA, Bravo, and many more.
• Shoots were fun. I taught Sherman Hemsley, AKA George Jefferson, to moonwalk. Adam West, AKA Batman, growled "See you in the bat cave" in my ear. Both are now deceased. Not my doing.
• The easiest job I ever had was writing in an online forum about Melrose Place. The grossest job I ever had was bartending in the Lower East Side's most notorious dung-hole.
• My friend Marie Forleo got me into the online world. We've worked together for years, creating our signature copywriting course, The Copy Cure, and co-scripting every episode of her award-winning web show, Marie TV. My favorite part is writing her team into ridiculous outfits, like adult baby costumes, or mankinis.
• I recently retired from both promo-writing and from 1:1 work with private clients. It was scary to give up that major part of my business, but I wanted to spend more time writing my own stuff — like this email to you.
• Now, in other ways (like courses and workshops), I still help freelancers, service-based businesses, entrepreneurs, solo-preneurs, and other types ending in -preneur (I'm a samplepreneur) get paid to be themselves. Through my work with hundreds of them (including online biggies like Marie Forleo, Mastin Kipp, Amy Porterfield, and Kate Northrup) I've seen over and over that putting “you” into your copy is pure magic for getting people to love you up, share your ideas, and happily click your Buy button. Are you a whatever-preneur or anyone who wants better copy? I can help you.
• I'm obsessed with my House dance class. To say I sweat like a pig is unfair to pigs, who barely have a dewy glow next to me. Do pigs even sweat?
• I will not apologize for loving Real Housewives. I'm all for sisterhood, but I also like watching women fight in giant hoop earrings and silky tops.
• When I say, "I'm in the mood for a nice bowl of pasta," my husband rolls his eyes and points out, "You want that every night." True dat. I want to live in a world made of spaghetti.
• I've had two professional photoshoots. Here's how I look when I'm in full makeup, pretending to perch casually on a credenza. It's also how I might look when I'm trying to remember who you are. 

And you, Newsletter?

Write and tell me something, so I can say, "Hey, I know you!"

If you don't know where to start, what's one weird thing only friends know about you?

What was the easiest money you ever made?

How'd you come across me? (I always want to know this.)

Or, what one meal would you have for the rest of your life, if you had to eat the same thing for dinner every night?

Mine is spaghetti, duh. With tomato sauce. And ice cream for dessert.

xoLaura

ps – I really mean it, Newsletter, write me back! At least tell me how you came across Talking Shrimp and what made you sign up. I love hearing from you.

pps – I've heard that a good way to remember someone's name is to picture them doing something violent or sekshual (I won't spell the word out, don't want to screw up delivery rates) when you meet them. Hasn't worked for me, but I like the idea.